So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
