i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
