Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
