I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
