im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
