I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
last night I used snow as a chaser
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
