i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He? As in you personified your dick?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
my liver is dry heaving
Randomize
