is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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