Whatcha textin bout Willis?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
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