OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
