do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
