So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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