I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
