Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
