If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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