I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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