the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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