A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
