When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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