I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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