We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
