Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
