I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
