Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
