Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
