is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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