Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
