They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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