Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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