ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
