capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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