Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
