erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
