we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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