Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
