Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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