My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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