So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
