i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
