It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
