Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
