On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
