I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
