The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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