I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Randomize
