I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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