we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
