well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
