I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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