My Higher Power is John Stamos
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
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