Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Liz is crying about burritos again.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
