grandma shit on top of the toilet
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
