Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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